Premiered: Friday, September 20, 2002
Episode Transcript [Closed Captioning][]
CLAMS
$
storyboard directors
Jay Lender
Sam Henderson
storyboard artist
Caleb Meurer
written by
Jay Lender
Sam Henderson
Mark O’Hare
animation director
Sean Dempsey
creative director
Derek Drymon
THE
KRuSTy
KRaB
Uh…
What do you
like better?
The coral bits
or the nacho oyster skins?
I like neither.
Can I take your order?
How about
the barnacle rings?
Are they any good?
No. What will you have?
Well, uh, what’s your vote
on the kelp…
Sir, let’s just get
this out of the way.
I hate everything
on the menu.
Now what do you want?
Psst. Try
the coral bits.
Uh, I’ll try
the coral bits.
That’ll be one dollar.
( rings )
$1.00
*#%=
$1 .00
#%#
( alarm blaring )
What’s going on?
Something stupid,
I’m sure.
( lively music playing )
Yippee!
( laughing )
( laughter continuing )
Whoo-hoo! Whoa! Whoa!
Whoo-ha! Whoo-ha! Whoo!
See? I told you.
What’s wrong
with Mr. Krabs?
( squeaking )
Nothing, lad.
Do you know
what this is?
A very dirty dollar?
No! This is my one millionth
dollar earned.
Every Krab’s goal in life
is to make a million dollars
and now I got mine.
Congratulations, sir.
You have just given me
my one millionth dollar.
Ha, great.
Uh, what do I win?
Nothing.
Now get out.
Uh, what?
Get out!
Everybody get out!
You’re spoiling me moment.
Me millionth dollar.
Congratulations,
Mr. Krabs.
Congratulate
yourselves, lads.
A captain’s nothing
without his loyal crew.
I mean, a crew like you
comes along
maybe once in a lifetime.
And to reward you
for helping me
make me millionth dollar,
I’m taking you on a trip.
Wow! A trip!
I can’t believe
it, Mr. Krabs.
Where are we going,
Fancy Springs?
No.
TOWELS
Pamper Island?
Try again.
Oh, oh, oh!
Bikini Bottom
Folk Village.
Better than that.
Clam fishing?
This is the reward we get
for all our hard work?
Fishing for
stinky clams
in a smelly old boat
on a filthy lagoon?
S.S CHEAPSKATE
S.S CHEAPSKATE
You call this fun?
Aw, come on now,
Squidward.
Three fellas at sea
with nothing to do
but throw their lines
in the water,
catch a few clams
and then throw them back.
Don’t you think
that’s fun?
No.
And to think I could be wearing
a powdered wig right now.
Hey, Squidward,
you want me to
cast out over here
so you can watch me?
How about you
cast out over there
so I can ignore you.
Okay.
S.S. CHEAPSHA
S.S. CHEAPSHA
( sputtering )
( grunts )
Hey, watch where
you’re swinging that…
SpongeBob, be careful with…
( Squidward screaming )
Okay, I’ve
had enough.
( chuckling )
Oh, Squidward,
you got to lighten up.
Sure, the lad’s
a bit overeager,
but you’ve
got to learn
to roll with
the punches.
Go with the flow.
And don’t bring anything
on the boat
that you ain’t
prepared to lose.
( chuckles )
( gasps )
Me millionth dollar!
$$
SpongeBob, wait!
$$
SpongeBob, you hooked
me millionth dollar
S.S. CHEAPSKATE
on the back swing.
Reel it in before I keelhaul ya!
( ominous orchestral music
plays )
Oh, no.
SpongeBob, quick,
reel it in!
Can’t you hear
the music?
There’s a 4/4 string
ostinato in D minor.
Every sailor knows
that means death.
Reel it in before
it’s too late.
Hurry, SpongeBob!
$$
The music is getting faster!
There you are,
you stinking bilge rats!
Stop playing that music!
Stop it, please!
I’m begging ya.
Come on, honey,
You can make it!
Swim faster!
$ $
Come to me, baby!
Come on back!
$$
Hurry, SpongeBob!
Here she comes.
S.S. CHEAPSKATE
Oh, please, please,
please, please.
Please, please,
please.
She made it!
Yeah!
Yeah, oh, oh! Oh, ho-ho!
For a second or two,
I thought she was a goner.
( ominous orchestral music
resumes )
APSKATE
( bawling )
So, some trip,
eh, Mr. Krabs?
Oh, Squidward,
you’re never
gonna believe it.
A giant blue-lipped clam
ate me millionth dollar!
( bawling )
I lost me dollar
and I’ll never
get it back.
Never, never, never, never.
I’ve never seen Mr. Krabs
so broken up.
( sobbing )
Oh, please.
He’s such a
drama queen.
Come on,
Mr. Krabs.
Drop the act.
( blubbering )
Mr. Krabs, it’s
just a stupid dollar.
( blubbering )
For Pete’s sake,
Mr. Krabs.
Suck it up!
( blubbering )
Mr. Krabs.
( wailing )
Mr. Krabs.
( blubbering )
Okay, okay,
Mr. Krabs.
We’ll help you get
your dollar back.
You will?
Great!
Wait right here.
Here’s where clam fishing
gets serious.
S.S. CHEAPSKATE
Okay, you boys man
the fishing poles.
And I’ll keep me eyes peeled
for Old Blue Lip.
Aye, aye, Captain!
And remember, we don’t leave
until we catch that clam
and rescue me dollar.
( bird squawking )
That’s it.
I’m finished.
We’ve been here
for three days
and haven’t gotten a nibble.
This is hopeless!
Yeah, and I’ve got to
get home to feed Gary.
We’re gonna die out here
just because a clam ate
Mr. Krabs’ stupid dollar.
Well, if he wants
his dollar back,
I say we give it to him.
Know what I mean?
Huh? Huh? Huh?
Oh, I get you.
( jabbering )
BOTH:
Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs!
♪ Look what we got. ♪
Oh, could it be…
Me millionth dollar?
( laughing )
Whoo-hoo! Whoa! Whoa-hoo!
( laughing )
( laughing uncontrollably )
Whoo-hoo! Whoa!
Wait a minute.
( squeaking )
This isn’t me millionth dollar.
This is an ordinary dollar
that’s been crumpled up.
torn slightly,
soaked in the lagoon
and kissed with Coral Blue
Number Two Semi-Gloss Lipstick.
$💋$
Actually, it’s Coral Blue
Number Three.
I trusted you,
and you gave me this?!
I can’t believe
me own crew would betray me
like this.
( sobbing )
No. Uh-uh.
No. We will not
be swayed by
tears anymore.
I see.
Then I guess I have no choice
but to offer a reward.
You’re kidding?
Whoo! Is it
another fishing trip?
No.
It’s this sandwich.
A sandwich?
You expect me
to break my back
over a sandwich?
Not a sandwich.
The sandwich.
Whatever.
We’ve got plenty
more to…
( water splashing )
…eat.
Now I think
we understand each other.
Nobody eats until I get
my millionth dollar back.
Uh, SpongeBob,
can I have a
word with you?
Have you noticed
that Mr. Krabs
has gone
completely insane?!
What do you mean?
Just look at him.
( sobbing )
R.i.P.
ME
MiLLiONTH
DoLLAR
Squidward, he’s lost something
near and dear to him.
Haven’t you…?
( sobbing )
Look again.
( sobbing )
( giggling )
You’re right.
How do we get out of here?
If we’re
real quiet,
we can sneak over
to the lifeboat.
Okay.
( screaming )
So, you thought
you’d skip out
on old Krabs, did you?
Even after you
promised to help me.
I know what you’re thinking.
“It’s just a dumb old dollar.”
“Let’s just leave the old man.”
“He won’t notice.”
( sobbing )
Well, it’s not going down
like that.
There’s only one use for a
backstabbing crew like you:
live bait.
S.S
You’re crazy.
If that clam didn’t come before,
what makes you think
he’ll come now?
Oh, he’ll come.
( ominous music plays )
( screaming )
Mr. Krabs, listen.
I work with SpongeBob
all day long,
so I know what I’m talking
about when I say…
you are completely
out of your mind!
( giggling )
Get us out of here!
Come on,
fresh meat!
( screaming )
Keep thrashing!
He likes it!
S.S. CHEAPSKATE
( screaming )
Come on, boy!
Closer.
Closer.
Almost there.
$$
( roaring )
That’s it!
S.S.
( screaming )
Aha!
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Look, boys!
I finally got it!
I finally got
me millionth dollar!
( orchestra plays scary theme )
S.S.
Oh, poor Mr. Krabs.
Gone forever
out of our lives.
Why couldn’t it
have been me?
Yes. Why couldn’t
it have been you?
( sobbing )
Why did he have to
go like this? Why?
Why did he have
to go like this
and leave me tied
to this idiot?
( both sobbing )
MR. KRABS:
Hello, boys!
Mr. Krabs? Mr. Krabs?
Have you boys met…
me millionth dollar?
( chuckles )
Wow! He did you
get it back?
It wasn’t easy.
S.S. CHEAPS
Old Blue Lips is
quite the fighter.
So, eventually,
we settled on a trade.
What did you
give him?
Nothing important.
( chuckles )
- Home Video Releases:
SpongeBob SquarePants: SpongeGuard on Duty DVD (June 1st, 2004)
SpongeBob SquarePants: The Complete 3rd Season DVD (Disc 2) (September 27th, 2005)
SpongeBob SquarePants: The First 100 Episodes DVD (Disc 7) (Season 3) (September 22nd, 2009)