Cygwin Wiki
Advertisement

Premiered: Friday, September 20, 2002

Episode Transcript [Closed Captioning][]

CLAMS

$

storyboard directors

Jay Lender

Sam Henderson

storyboard artist

Caleb Meurer

written by

Jay Lender

Sam Henderson

Mark O’Hare

animation director

Sean Dempsey

creative director

Derek Drymon

T  H  E

K  R  u  S  T  y

K  R  a  B

Uh…

What do you

like better?

The coral bits

or the nacho oyster skins?

I like neither.

Can I take your order?

How about

the barnacle rings?

Are they any good?

No. What will you have?

Well, uh, what’s your vote

on the kelp…

Sir, let’s just get

this out of the way.

I hate everything

on the menu.

Now what do you want?

Psst. Try

the coral bits.

Uh, I’ll try

the coral bits.

That’ll be one dollar.

( rings )

$ 1 . 0 0

*       #     %            =

$            1   .         0             0

#                  %                                #

( alarm blaring )

What’s going on?

Something stupid,

I’m sure.

( lively music playing )

Yippee!

( laughing )

( laughter continuing )

Whoo-hoo! Whoa! Whoa!

Whoo-ha! Whoo-ha! Whoo!

See? I told you.

What’s wrong

with Mr. Krabs?

( squeaking )

Nothing, lad.

Do you know

what this is?

A very dirty dollar?

No! This is my one millionth

dollar earned.

Every Krab’s goal in life

is to make a million dollars

and now I got mine.

Congratulations, sir.

You have just given me

my one millionth dollar.

Ha, great.

Uh, what do I win?

Nothing.

Now get out.

Uh, what?

Get out!

Everybody get out!

You’re spoiling me moment.

Me millionth dollar.

Congratulations,

Mr. Krabs.

Congratulate

yourselves, lads.

A captain’s nothing

without his loyal crew.

I mean, a crew like you

comes along

maybe once in a lifetime.

And to reward you

for helping me

make me millionth dollar,

I’m taking you on a trip.

Wow! A trip!

I can’t believe

it, Mr. Krabs.

Where are we going,

Fancy Springs?

No.

T O W E L S

Pamper Island?

Try again.

Oh, oh, oh!

Bikini Bottom

Folk Village.

Better than that.

Clam fishing?

This is the reward we get

for all our hard work?

Fishing for

stinky clams

in a smelly old boat

on a filthy lagoon?

S  .  S          C  H  E  A  P  S  K  A  T  E

S.S   CHEAPSKATE

You call this fun?

Aw, come on now,

Squidward.

Three fellas at sea

with nothing to do

but throw their lines

in the water,

catch a few clams

and then throw them back.

Don’t you think

that’s fun?

No.

And to think I could be wearing

a powdered wig right now.

Hey, Squidward,

you want me to

cast out over here

so you can watch me?

How about you

cast out over there

so I can ignore you.

Okay.

S   .     S  .          C   H   E      A   P    S   H  A

S   .     S  .          C   H   E     A   P    S   H   A

( sputtering )

( grunts )

Hey, watch where

you’re swinging that…

SpongeBob, be careful with…

( Squidward screaming )

Okay, I’ve

had enough.

( chuckling )

Oh, Squidward,

you got to lighten up.

Sure, the lad’s

a bit overeager,

but you’ve

got to learn

to roll with

the punches.

Go with the flow.

And don’t bring anything

on the boat

that you ain’t

prepared to lose.

( chuckles )

( gasps )

Me millionth dollar!

$                                                                  $

SpongeBob, wait!

$                                           $

SpongeBob, you hooked

me millionth dollar

S  .  S .   C  H E  A P  S K  A  T  E

on the back swing.

Reel it in before I keelhaul ya!

( ominous orchestral music

plays )

Oh, no.

SpongeBob, quick,

reel it in!

Can’t you hear

the music?

There’s a 4/4 string

ostinato in D minor.

Every sailor knows

that means death.

Reel it in before

it’s too late.

Hurry, SpongeBob!

$                           $

The music is getting faster!

There you are,

you stinking bilge rats!

Stop playing that music!

Stop it, please!

I’m begging ya.

Come on, honey,

You can make it!

Swim faster!

$            $

Come to me, baby!

Come on back!

$       $

Hurry, SpongeBob!

Here she comes.

S .    S  .       C  H    E   A   P     S  K     A   T     E

Oh, please, please,

please, please.

Please, please,

please.

She made it!

Yeah!

Yeah, oh, oh! Oh, ho-ho!

For a second or two,

I thought she was a goner.

( ominous orchestral music

resumes )

A    P     S    K     A    T     E

( bawling )

So, some trip,

eh, Mr. Krabs?

Oh, Squidward,

you’re never

gonna believe it.

A giant blue-lipped clam

ate me millionth dollar!

( bawling )

I lost me dollar

and I’ll never

get it back.

Never, never, never, never.

I’ve never seen Mr. Krabs

so broken up.

( sobbing )

Oh, please.

He’s such a

drama queen.

Come on,

Mr. Krabs.

Drop the act.

( blubbering )

Mr. Krabs, it’s

just a stupid dollar.

( blubbering )

For Pete’s sake,

Mr. Krabs.

Suck it up!

( blubbering )

Mr. Krabs.

( wailing )

Mr. Krabs.

( blubbering )

Okay, okay,

Mr. Krabs.

We’ll help you get

your dollar back.

You will?

Great!

Wait right here.

Here’s where clam fishing

gets serious.

S . S .   C H E A P S K A T E

Okay, you boys man

the fishing poles.

And I’ll keep me eyes peeled

for Old Blue Lip.

Aye, aye, Captain!

And remember, we don’t leave

until we catch that clam

and rescue me dollar.

( bird squawking )

That’s it.

I’m finished.

We’ve been here

for three days

and haven’t gotten a nibble.

This is hopeless!

Yeah, and I’ve got to

get home to feed Gary.

We’re gonna die out here

just because a clam ate

Mr. Krabs’ stupid dollar.

Well, if he wants

his dollar back,

I say we give it to him.

Know what I mean?

Huh? Huh? Huh?

Oh, I get you.

( jabbering )

BOTH:

Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs!

♪ Look what we got. ♪

Oh, could it be…

Me millionth dollar?

( laughing )

Whoo-hoo! Whoa! Whoa-hoo!

( laughing )

( laughing uncontrollably )

Whoo-hoo! Whoa!

Wait a minute.

( squeaking )

This isn’t me millionth dollar.

This is an ordinary dollar

that’s been crumpled up.

torn slightly,

soaked in the lagoon

and kissed with Coral Blue

Number Two Semi-Gloss Lipstick.

$                                           💋            $

Actually, it’s Coral Blue

Number Three.

I trusted you,

and you gave me this?!

I can’t believe

me own crew would betray me

like this.

( sobbing )

No. Uh-uh.

No. We will not

be swayed by

tears anymore.

I see.

Then I guess I have no choice

but to offer a reward.

You’re kidding?

Whoo! Is it

another fishing trip?

No.

It’s this sandwich.

A sandwich?

You expect me

to break my back

over a sandwich?

Not a sandwich.

The sandwich.

Whatever.

We’ve got plenty

more to…

( water splashing )

…eat.

Now I think

we understand each other.

Nobody eats until I get

my millionth dollar back.

Uh, SpongeBob,

can I have a

word with you?

Have you noticed

that Mr. Krabs

has gone

completely insane?!

What do you mean?

Just look at him.

( sobbing )

R   .  i  .  P .

ME

M i L L i O N T H

D o L  L A R

Squidward, he’s lost something

near and dear to him.

Haven’t you…?

( sobbing )

Look again.

( sobbing )

( giggling )

You’re right.

How do we get out of here?

If we’re

real quiet,

we can sneak over

to the lifeboat.

Okay.

( screaming )

So, you thought

you’d skip out

on old Krabs, did you?

Even after you

promised to help me.

I know what you’re thinking.

“It’s just a dumb old dollar.”

“Let’s just leave the old man.”

“He won’t notice.”

( sobbing )

Well, it’s not going down

like that.

There’s only one use for a

backstabbing crew like you:

live bait.

S .      S

You’re crazy.

If that clam didn’t come before,

what makes you think

he’ll come now?

Oh, he’ll come.

( ominous music plays )

( screaming )

Mr. Krabs, listen.

I work with SpongeBob

all day long,

so I know what I’m talking

about when I say…

you are completely

out of your mind!

( giggling )

Get us out of here!

Come on,

fresh meat!

( screaming )

Keep thrashing!

He likes it!

S.S. CHEAPSKATE

( screaming )

Come on, boy!

Closer.

Closer.

Almost there.

$                            $

( roaring )

That’s it!

S . S .

( screaming )

Aha!

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Look, boys!

I finally got it!

I finally got

me millionth dollar!

( orchestra plays scary theme )

S . S .

Oh, poor Mr. Krabs.

Gone forever

out of our lives.

Why couldn’t it

have been me?

Yes. Why couldn’t

it have been you?

( sobbing )

Why did he have to

go like this? Why?

Why did he have

to go like this

and leave me tied

to this idiot?

( both sobbing )

MR. KRABS:

Hello, boys!

Mr. Krabs? Mr. Krabs?

Have you boys met…

me millionth dollar?

( chuckles )

Wow! He did you

get it back?

It wasn’t easy.

S . S . C H E A P S

Old Blue Lips is

quite the fighter.

So, eventually,

we settled on a trade.

What did you

give him?

Nothing important.

( chuckles )

  • Home Video Releases:

SpongeBob SquarePants: SpongeGuard on Duty DVD (June 1st, 2004)

SpongeBob SquarePants: The Complete 3rd Season DVD (Disc 2) (September 27th, 2005)

SpongeBob SquarePants: The First 100 Episodes DVD (Disc 7) (Season 3) (September 22nd, 2009)

Advertisement