Hall Monitor (SpongeBob SquarePants) (transcript) (8/28/1999)

Premiered: Saturday, August 28, 1999

Episode Transcript [Closed Captioning][]

HALL

MONiToR

storyboard director

Chuck Klein

storyboard artist

Jay Lender

written by

Chuck Klein

Jay Lender

Mr. Lawrence

animation director

Edgar Larrazabal

creative director

Derek Drymon

Mrs. Puff’s boating school

MRS. PuFF’S

BoaTiNG

SCHOOL

where diligent students learn

the rules of the road.

where diligent students learn

the rules of the road.

MRS. PUFF:

Everyone

put down your books

because it’s time to pick out

the hall monitor of the day!

Let’s see here.

This week’s hall monitor

will be…

Bart, Jimmy, no, no

BART ✔

JIMMY ✔

TINA ✔

RALPH ✔

BETH ✔

MIMI

Tina, Ralph, hmm… ( gasps )

RALPH

BETH ✔

MIMI ✔

BUDDY ✔

SPONGEBOB

( in quaking voice ):

SpongeBob.

( Chair squeaks )

it’s Jimmy.

Jimmy’s the hall monitor.

Mrs. Puff, I’ve done it already.

( Chair squeaks )

Oh-- Phil?

No way,

Mrs. Puff.

Uh, Tina--

you’re the hall monitor.

Hey, I’ve done it

three times already.

( chair squeaks )

B-Beth…

BOY:

She graduated.

Henry! ( squeak )

Vera! ( squeak )

Clayton!

( chair squeaking

repeatedly )

( chair squeaking

repeatedly )

( sighs )

All right, I guess

I have no choice.

( gulps )

The hall monitor of the day

is…

Oh… SpongeBob.

Ya…hoo!

Hall monitor SpongeBob

reporting

for duty, ma’am.

HM

I’m ready

to assume my position

in the hall.

HM

I will protect all

that are weak… in the hall.

All rules will be enforced…

in the hall.

Okay!

Just take the hat and belt.

I can’t accept

that yet, ma’am.

HM

I can’t accept

that yet, ma’am.

First I have to make my speech.

You can’t make this easy,

can you?

Classmates!

HM

Who am I to deserve

such a great honor?

Why, I would

be nothing

Why, I would

be nothing

HM

without Mrs. Puff.

Give me a break.

HM

Give me a break.

And to my public

all I can say is I’m touched.

And furthermore

I will carry

out my duties…

crime and punishment,

punishment and crime

crime and punishment,

punishment and crime

11 12 1

10 2

9 3

8 4

7 6 5

crime and punishment,

punishment and crime

in the hall.

Which reminds me

of an extremely

long speech

11 12 1

10 2

9 3

8 4

7 6 5

written by the

greatest hall monitor

written by the

greatest hall monitor

written by the

greatest hall monitor

written by the

greatest hall monitor

of all time.

“Friends, students,

juvenile delinquents

lend me your ears.”

11 12 1

10 2

9 3

8 4

7 6 5

( snoring )

In conclusion

and without a moment to spare

I will put on this uniform

and assume my duties as…

HM

I will put on this uniform

and assume my duties as…

hall monitor!

HM

Wish me luck, Mrs. Puff!

HM

Oh, and I will be…

HM

( bell dings )

SpongeBob, are you okay?

I overdid the speech again,

didn’t I?

I overdid the speech again,

didn’t I?

I’m afraid so.

Aw, tartar sauce!

I guess I won’t be needing this.

HM

I guess I won’t be needing this.

I hardly knew ye.

HM

Uh… SpongeBob?

HM

Uh… SpongeBob?

Yes, Mrs. Puff?

MRS. PuFF’s

BoaTiNG

ScHOOL

I can at least let you

wear it until tomorrow.

I can at least let you

wear it until tomorrow.

I can at least let you

wear it until tomorrow.

HM

I can at least let you

wear it until tomorrow.

Yahoo!

HM

Thanks, Mrs. Puff.

HM

Thanks, Mrs. Puff.

What are the consequences

of what I’ve just done?

What are the consequences

of what I’ve just done?

What are the consequences

of what I’ve just done?

What are the consequences

of what I’ve just done?

( shudders )

( sighs )

( humming )... hall

( humming )... monitor.

HM

( humming )... monitor.

( humming )

( horns honking )

HM

( horns honking )

HM

Broken traffic light.

HM

Who’s to say

my monitor duties should end

just because the bell rang?

HM

just because the bell rang?

I can be helpful anywhere.

This looks like a job

for the hall monitor!

HM

( blows whistle )

HM

( blowing whistle rhythmically )

HM

What would this town do

without you, SpongeBob?

HM

MAN:

My legs!

MAN:

My legs!

HM

My legs!

HM

My legs!

♪ On patrol ♪

♪ I’m on patrol… ♪

Uh-oh, an open window.

HM

More seaweed medley,

dear?

The fools.

They’ve left themselves

susceptible to danger.

HM

I must show them

the error of their ways

I must show them

the error of their ways

through example.

HM

( SpongeBob screams )

I’m the open window maniac!

HM

( both screaming )

I hope you learned

a valuable lesson!

I hope you learned

a valuable lesson!

HM

♪ On patrol ♪

♪ I’m on patrol ♪

♪ I’m on patrol… ♪

HM

( gasps )

HM

Vandals!

Another crime.

HM

( smacking his lips )

Hmm… strawberry.

I must act.

HM

Patrick…

Patrick!

My ice cream-- it’s alive!

( screams )

Patrick, down here.

Oh, SpongeBob, it’s you.

Patrick, come down here.

HM

Patrick, come down here.

SpongeBob…

SpongeBob!

I’m down here.

You look funny.

Hi, SpongeBob.

That’s “hall monitor”

to you.

HM

That’s “hall monitor”

to you.

Sorry, officer.

Sorry’s not good enough,

Patrick.

HM

You’ve just

committed a crime

and I’m taking you in.

What crime?

HM

I’m a bad person.

( sobbing )

HM

( sobbing )

NEWSPAPER BOY

( in high voice ):

Extra! Extra!

Maniac strikes

bikini bottom!

HM

City paralyzed with fear!

MANiAc

in

BikiNi

BoTToM

( in gruff voice ):

Tell your friends.

Arm yourselves

with knowledge.

Arm yourselves

with knowledge.

MANiAc

iN

BikiNi

Extra! Extra…

hmm… “maniac…

Bikini Bottom…

car wrecks… break-in.”

Who better to bring

this maniac to justice

Who better to bring

this maniac to justice

than me…

the hall monitor!

HM

But I can’t handle

this case alone.

Patrick,

are you ready

HM

to give up

your life of crime?

I want to be good!

Hmm… now you just need

a symbol of authority.

Hmm… now you just need

a symbol of authority.

HM

Perfect.

It is our duty

to catch this maniac

HM

and bring him to justice.

But how to proceed?

Listen, deputy,

you’re an ex-criminal--

what would you do?

HM

what would you do?

Hmm…

I’d get an ice cream.

( both licking loudly )

ICE CREAM

HM

( both licking loudly )

Okay, now what?

HM

Hmm…

This isn’t working.

ICE CREAM

HM

We’ve got to do

something else.

We’ve got to do

something else.

Something with…

walkie-talkies!

HM

( squeals )

HM

And now duty calls.

All right, deputy,

I’ll go that way

HM

All right, deputy,

I’ll go that way

you go some

different way.

HM

Geronimo!

( imitates polices siren )

( police siren approaching )

( tires squeal )

Afternoon, son.

Hello, brothers.

Son, we’re looking

for the maniac.

Son, we’re looking

for the maniac.

Have you seen this man?

WANTED

🧽🧽🧽🧽🧽

🧽🧽🧽🧽🧽🧽🧽🧽

🧽 🧽🧽 🧽

🧽🧽 🧽

MANiAc

( screams )

It’s the maniac!

Take him away,

take him away.

Take him away,

take him away.

Calm down, son,

it’s just a drawing

not the real thing.

WANTED

🧽🧽🧽

Now we’re

going to show you

this picture again

and you’ll tell us

if you’ve seen

this guy, understand?

Yeah, uh-huh.

WANTED

Yeah, uh-huh.

Okay.

( screams )

WANTED

🧽🧽🧽🧽🧽

MANiAc

Horrible!

( screams again )

WANTED

🧽🧽🧽

🧽🧽🧽🧽🧽

🧽🧽🧽

MANiAc

( stops and starts

screaming repeatedly )

( stops and starts

screaming repeatedly )

( stops and starts

screaming repeatedly )

( stops and starts

screaming repeatedly )

Stay indoors, son.

ICE CRE

And take that cone

off your head.

( both chuckle )

ICE CREAM

SpongeBob.

Come in, SpongeBob.

Answer!

SpongeBob here, Patrick.

Report.

WANTED

🧽🧽🧽

🧽🧽🧽🧽🧽

🧽🧽🧽

MANIAC

HM

I don’t want to be

a policeman anymore.

I’m scared.

Get a hold of yourself, deputy.

( Patrick sobbing )

I want to go home!

Poor rookie.

All right, I’m on my way back.

WANTED

🧽🧽🧽

🧽🧽🧽🧽🧽

🧽🧽🧽

MANIAC

HM

All right, I’m on my way back.

Hurry, SpongeBob.

I think it’s getting…

ICE C

dark.

ICE C

Just put on your siren,

I’ll be right there.

Just put on your siren,

I’ll be right there.

( imitating weak siren )

IC

( imitating weak siren )

WANTED

🧽🧽

MANiAC

( imitating weak siren )

ED

ICE CREAM

WANTED

🧽🧽🧽🧽🧽🧽

MANiAC

HM

( imitating loud siren )

SpongeBob, I see him.

Where is he, Patrick?

HM

Where is he, Patrick?

At the intersection

of Conch and Coral.

At the intersection

of Conch and Coral.

At the intersection

of Conch and Coral.

HM

SPONGEBOB:

That’s where I am.

CONCH ST CoRAL aVe

SPONGEBOB:

That’s where I am.

He’s right on top of me,

but I can’t see him.

What’s he doing?

Uh… he’s just

standing there…

HM

Uh… he’s just

standing there…

Uh… he’s just

standing there…

Uh… he’s just

standing there…

HM

Uh… he’s just

standing there…

menacingly!

Get out of there, SpongeBob!

HM

Yaah!

That’s his maniac shriek.

He’s going to attack.

( whining and sobbing )

He’s acting all crazy.

HM

He’s acting all crazy.

Run!

Hide behind that building.

No, he’s behind that building.

Quick, hide behind

that street sign.

Quick, hide behind

that street sign.

No, wait!

The maniac just went

behind that sign.

HM

The maniac just went

behind that sign.

Quick, get under

the street light.

Quick, get under

the street light.

No! Wait!

HM

He’s there, too!

Run for your life!

( screaming )

H

( screaming )

( sighs )

HM

( muffled radio transmission )

Say again, deputy?

The maniac’s in the mailbox.

( screams )

( screaming and babbling )

ANTED WANTED WA

🧽🧽🧽 🧽🧽🧽 🧽🧽🧽

🧽🧽🧽🧽🧽 🧽🧽🧽 🧽🧽🧽

🧽🧽🧽 🧽🧽🧽 🧽🧽🧽

MANIAC WANTED WANTED NIAC MANIAC

🧽🧽🧽🧽 🧽🧽🧽

MANIAC MANIAC WANTED

🧽🧽🧽

MANIAC

WANTED

🧽🧽🧽

MANIAC NTED WANTE WA WANTED

🧽🧽🧽 🧽🧽🧽 🧽🧽🧽 🧽🧽🧽

🧽🧽🧽 🧽🧽🧽 MANIAC MANIAC

MANIAC MANIAC WANTE

🧽🧽🧽

MANIA

ANTED

🧽🧽🧽 🧽🧽🧽 ANTED

🧽🧽🧽 🧽🧽🧽

MANIA MANIAC M

ED

🧽🧽🧽 🧽🧽🧽

WANTE

🧽🧽🧽

MANIA

🧽🧽🧽

MANiAC

ED

HM

huh-- this guy’s not

half-bad-looking for a maniac.

🧽🧽🧽

MANiAC

Wait a minute, Patrick.

I’m the maniac.

( Patrick screams )

🧽🧽🧽

MANiAC

WANTED

🧽🧽🧽

🧽🧽🧽🧽🧽

🧽🧽🧽

MANiAc HM

( sirens wail )

HM

We’ll take that as a confession.

SpongeBob SquarePants,

there you are!

SpongeBob SquarePants,

there you are!

I turn my back on you

for one minute

I turn my back on you

for one minute

I turn my back on you

for one minute

HM

and you destroy

half the city!

and you destroy

half the city!

You should be ashamed

of yourself.

You know

this guy?

You know

this guy?

You know

this guy?

Of course I do.

I’m the one who gave him

the uniform in the first place.

I’m the one who gave him

the uniform in the first place.

I’m the one who gave him

the uniform in the first place.

I’m the one who gave him

the uniform in the first place.

He’s my responsibility.

Uh-oh.

MRS. PUFF:

And in conclusion, students

MRS. PUFF:

And in conclusion, students

MRS. PUFF:

And in conclusion, students

red means stop,

green means go.

red means stop,

green means go.

red means stop,

green means go.

And SpongeBob…

Yes, Mrs. Puff?

I’d like to see you

after class

I’d like to see you

after class

I’d like to see you

after class

I’d like to see you

after class

I’d like to see you

after class

I’d like to see you

after class

I’d like to see you

after class

six months from now.

( door slams )

Ending Credits[]

“HALL MONiTOR”

EXECUTiVE PRODUCER

Stephen Hillenburg

LiNE PRODUCER

Donna Castricone

ART DiRECTOR

Nicholas R. Jennings

SUPERViSiNG DiRECTOR

Alan Smart

STORY EDiTOR

Peter Burns

WRiTERS

Peter Burns

Mr. Lawrence

Alex Gordon

Derek Drymon

Stephen Hillenburg

Tom Kenny ……………… French Narrator (character) (Narrator),

Bill (voice heard only) (Bill (disambiguation)), SpongeBob SquarePants (character),

Mailman (debut) (Newsie)

Mary Jo Catlett ………….. Mrs. Puff (character), Bart (mentioned), Ralph (mentioned),

Mimi (name listed on clipboard), Buddy (name listed on clipboard), Beth (mentioned),

Henry (mentioned), Vera (mentioned), Clayton (mentioned)

Dee Bradley Baker ………… Incidental 27 (named Jimmy) (Jimmy Gus),

Incidental 3 (character) (John), Incidental 4 (Francis), Incidental 6 (Tom),

Incidental 9 (Henry-Bart), Incidental 10 (Franco), Incidental 28 (debut) (Phil),

Incidental 31 (Clay), Incidental 37A (Gus), Unknown students, Incidental 118 (Cop #2),

Incidental 36 (Harold (Red Fish)), Incidental 40 (Harold “Bill” Reginald)

Carolyn Lawrence …….. Incidental 8 (named Tina) (Tina Fran), Incidental 12 (Wife)

Bill Fagerbakke ……. Beth (mentioned) (Student), Patrick Star (character)

Jill Talley …………………………………………………………. Incidental 46 (Nazz-Mimi)

Rodger Bumpass …………………………………………………………… Motorist (debut)

Mr. Lawrence …………….. Fred (character) (Guy), Mailman (debut) (Newsie),

Incidental 118 (Cop)

Clancy Brown ……………………………………………………… Incidental 118 (Cop #3)

Carlos AlazraQui ………………………………………………….. Incidental 118 (Cop #4)

Thomas F. Wilson ……………………………………………….. “Cop” incidentals (debut)

CASTiNG DiRECTOR

Donna Grillo

CASTING COORDiNATOR

Alex Gordon

EXECUTiVE ASSiSTANT

Jennie Monica

SUPERViSiNG SOUND ENGiNEER

Krandal Crews

2ND ENGiNEER

Jim Leber

ASSiSTANT ENGiNEER

Justin Brinsfield

AUDiO SUPERViSOR AND DiALOGUE EDiTOR

Tony Ostyn

AUDiO SUPERViSOR & DiALOGUE EDiTOR

Tony Ostyn

ANiMATiC OPERATOR

Brian Robitaille

ANiMATiC SCANNER

Kevin Zelch

ASSiSTANT STORYBOARD ARTiSTS

Carl Greenblatt

Bruce B. Heller

Bill Reiss

Soonjin Mooney

ORiGiNAL CHARACTER DESiGN

Stephen Hillenburg

CHARACTER DESiGNER

Todd White

PROP DESIGNER

Thaddeus Paul Couldron

CLEAN-UP ARTiST

Soonjin Mooney

ARTiST iNTERN

Cynthia Tello

LAYOUT SUPERViSOR

Kenny Pittenger

BG LAYOUT DESiGN

John Seymore

Paula Spence

BACKGROUND PAiNTERS

Peter Bennett

Michael Chen

Andy “Spike” Clark

Calvin G. Liang

DiGiTAL BG SUPERViSOR

Andrew Brandou

DiGiTAL BG COORDiNATOR

David Wigforss

DiGiTAL BG ASSiSTANTS

Stephen Christian

Steven Kellams

SUPERViSiNG COLOR STYLiST

Teale Reon Wang

COLOR STYLiST

Dene Ann Heming

ASSiSTANT COLOR KEY

Meg Hanna

SHEET TiMER

Larry Leichliter

Juli Murphy Hashigichi

SHEET TiMERS

Larry Leichliter

Julie Murphy Hashiguchi

FiNAL CHECKER

Karen Shaffer

PRODUCTiON COORDiNATORS

Megan Brown

June Tedesco

PRODUCTiON ASSiSTANTS

Marcy Dewey

Derek iversen

POST PRODUCTiON DiRECTOR

Heather Adams

POST PRODUCTiON SUPERViSOR

Wendi McNeese

POST PRODUCTiON ASSiSTANTS

Matt Brown

Mishelle Smith

Shawn Trask

PiCTURE EDiTOR

Lynn Hobson

POST PRODUCTiON SOUND

SUPERViSOR AND MiXER

Timothy J. BorQuez

SOUND FX DESiGNER AND EDiTOR

Jeff Hutchins

DiALOGUE ADR EDiTOR

Jason Freedman

RE-RECORDiNG MiXERS

Timothy J. BorQuez

Timothy J. Garrity

FOLEY MiXER

Brad Brock

FOLEY ARTiST

Diane Greco

MUSiC EDiTOR

Nicolas Carr

MUSiC COMPOSED BY

The Blue Hawaiians

Steven Belfer

Nicolas Carr

Sage Guyton & Jeremy Wakefield

MUSiC CONTRiBUTiONS

Lovecat Music

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

THEME SONG

LYRiCS BY

Stephen Hillenburg

Derek Drymon

COMPOSED BY

Hank Smith Music

PERFORMED BY

Pat Pinney

ON-LiNE EDiTORS

Kip Gibson

Dan Aguliar

DAViNCi COLORiST

Dexter P.

POST PRODUCTiON SERViCES

Anderson Video

Encore Video

Todd AO-Hollywood Digital

ANiMATiON SERViCES

Rough Draft Studios, Korea

OVERSEAS SUPERViSOR

Doug Williams

LiVE ACTiON iSLAND FOOTAGE BY

Bad Clams Productions, inc.

DOLPHiN FOOTAGE

Fish Films

Energy Film

DOLPHiN FOOTAGE BY

Fish Films

Energy Film

TiTLE STiLL PHOTOGRAPHY BY

David Frapwell

STiLL PHOTOGRAPHY

David Frapwell

DEVELOPED BY

Derek Drymon

Tim Hill

Nicholas R. Jennings

PRODUCTiON EXECUTiVE

Eric Coleman

EXECUTiVE iN CHARGE

OF PRODUCTiON

Brian A. Miller

United Plankton

Pictures inc.

NICKELODEON

Nickelodeon, SpongeBob SquarePants and all related titles, characters

and logos are trademarks of Viacom International Inc.

Home Video Releases

SpongeBob SquarePants: Bikini Bottom Bash VHS (January 28th, 2003)

SpongeBob SquarePants: Tales from the Deep DVD (January 28th, 2003)

SpongeBob SquarePants: The Complete 1st Season DVD (Disc 1) (October 28th, 2003)

SpongeBob SquarePants: Volume 2 Game Boy Advance Video (May 12th, 2004)

SpongeBob SquarePants: The First 100 Episodes DVD Disc 1 (Season 1) (September 22nd, 2009)