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Premiered: Friday, March 15, 2002

Episode Transcript [Closed Captioning][]

NO

WEENiES

ALLOWED

storyboard directors

Paul Tibbitt

Kent Osborne

storyboard artists

Carson Kugler

Caleb Meurer

William Reiss

written by

Paul Tibbitt

Kent Osborne

Merriwether Williams

animation director

Andrew Overtoom

creative director

Derek Drymon

NARRATOR:

Ah, Goo Lagoon, a luxurious

oasis of sand and sea.

SANDY:

Shoot, SpongeBob

how can we

go swimming

when you’re

in a shirt & tie?

Ah, yes, how foolish of me.

( cackles )

Allow me to remedy

said situation right now.

I will just use

this changing tent here

to change into my bathing suit.

And I won’t do anything else.

SpongeBob’s acting jumpier

than a rattlesnake

in a pickle barrel.

Wait… what?

( laughing )

Oh, I’ll be changing all right

but not into a bathing suit.

Wait until Sandy sees

that I brought my karate gear!

Hi-yah!

Hi… yah!

Sandy won’t beat me this time

because I’ve got the element

on my side.

The element of surprise.

Hi-yah!

SANDY:

SpongeBob,

are you okay?

Yes, Sandy,

I most certainly am ready!

( softly ):

Ready to get it on.

Hi…

Hi-yah!

Look, SpongeBob

we both brought our karate gear.

( muffled laughing )

Great minds

think alike, I suppose.

Hi-yah!

I may be down, but I’m not out!

Way to go, buddy.

It took us

three days

to make that

potato salad.

Three days!

Hi-yah!

Sandy?

( muffled ):

Oh, I’m Sandy all right…

I’m very Sandy.

Hi-yah!

Oh, I get it.

She’s “Sandy.”

That’s her name and she’s

also covered in… yes.

Back in Texas,

we call ice cream

“frozen cow juice.”

Excuse me for a sec.

Hi… yah!

Thank you.

No, no, thank you.

Hi-yah!

( growling )

Who threw that

piece of paper at me?

( stammering )

( whistling )

SANDY:

Hey, what’s

everyone

waiting

in line for?

Ahoy, fair lass, it be the line

to get into the Salty Spitoon

the roughest,

toughest,

sailor club

ever to be built

under the seven seas.

Only the baddest of the bad

can get in.

You need to have muscles.

( muscles popping )

You need to have muscles

on your muscles.

( popping )

You need to have muscles

on your eyeballs.

( straining )

Ew.

( creature screaming )

( loud thud )

Looks like a rip-snortin’

good time, SpongeBob.

Yeah, let’s go in.

Go ahead.

Welcome to

the Salty Spitoon.

How tough are ya?

How tough am I?

How tough am I?

I had a bowl of nails

for breakfast this morning.

Yeah, so?

Without any milk.

Uh, right this way.

Sorry to keep

you waiting.

Welcome to

the Salty Spitoon.

How tough are ya?

How tough am I?

( screams )

SPONGEBOB:

Wow.

Got any more

tattoos?

Uh, that won’t

be necessary.

Go ahead.

Thanks!

See ya inside,

SpongeBob.

How tough are ya?

How tough am I?

You got a new bottle

of ketchup?

Sure.

It’s on!

( straining )

( panting )

( straining and shouting )

If I could just run this

under some hot water…

Get outta here.

This place is too tough

for you, little man.

Too tough for me?

That’s downright ridiculous.

I’ll have you know

I stubbed my toe last week

while watering my spice garden

and I only cried for 20 minutes.

Listen, kid, I think

you’d be more comfortable

over at that place.

SPONGEBOB:

Weenie Hut Jr.’s?

Are you saying I belong

at Weenie Hut Jr.’s?

Oh, no, sorry.

I was actually

pointing to the place

next to it.

SPONGEBOB:

Super Weenie Hut Jr.’s?

Yeah.

Unless you think you’re

tough enough to fight me.

( slurping straw )

FISH:

How’s your collection

coming along?

Well I don’t

mean to brag

but it’s

pretty sweet.

I’m in the process

of acquiring issue 347

which will give me

my fourth set.

No!

( snorts )

What weenies.

Oh, brother.

( robotic voice ):

Would you care

for another diet cola

with a lemon twist,

Weenie?

What?!

But I’m not a weenie!

( machinery whirring )

I’m sorry, sir,

but my sensors indicate

that you are

indeed a weenie.

( computer beeps )

That’s impossible!

You can’t hide

what’s inside.

( panting )

I demand entrance

into your club

on the grounds

that I am not a weenie!

Hey, Reg,

how’s it going?

You were saying?

Go ahead, buddy.

Thanks, Reg.

So, your name’s Reg?

Would you get outta here?

Mark my words, Reg!

I will get into

the Salty Spitoon!

I will!

FISH:

Couldn’t

get in, huh?

What you need is

a tough hairdo.

No one gets

into the double-S

without a tough

hairdo.

I disagree--

I saw a guy

going in there

and he was bald.

I saw that guy.

He wasn’t bald.

He had a shaved head.

Shaved--

that’s a hairdo.

Case closed.

Hey, where’d he go?

I believe

he said something

about going to

the wig store.

Ha-ha!

Check and mate!

What’s shaking,

my man?

Not much.

Say, haven’t I seen you before?

Doubt it-- I’m a drifter--

just blew into town.

Heard your club

was pretty tough.

Thought I’d check it out.

Nice try, kid.

I know it’s you.

What are you

talking about?

Aha!

Hey everybody,

what’s going on?

Ah, you can go in.

Sorry about that.

And what do you want?

I’d like to gain entrance

to your club, please.

I believe my hairdo is in order.

( laughs nervously )

So where do you stand

on the whole

bald vs. shaved debate?

Hey-ya, Reg.

All right,

now it’s a party.

Oh, yeah, check out

the new ink.

Thanks.

Hey, look what I can make it do.

( chuckling ):

Yeah!

Hey, what about

that one?

Huh, you know, I don’t

remember getting this one.

Can you make it

dance?

Oh, here, let me try.

( straining )

Hot-cha, cha-cha,

hot-cha, cha-cha.

Cha-ditty-

cha-ditty-cha!

Hmm, wait a minute.

Go ahead in.

Yeah, sure, Reg.

Thanks.

Nice try, little man.

Hey, I was in front of you!

No, you weren’t!

Are you callin’ me a liar?

I ain’t callin’ you

for dinner!

( grunting and shouting )

( SpongeBob screaming )

( grunting and shouting )

Hold it, you two--

that’s enough.

You’re both

plenty tough.

Go ahead in.

All right.

Thanks, Reg.

Hey, what about me?

I was in that scrap.

( chortles ):

I saw you running.

When you get

in a real fight,

then we’ll talk.

Well then, I guess it’s time

To take it up a notch.

( punches whooshing )

( knuckles cracking )

( loud crack )

( crackling )

( bawling )

( whimpering )

Care for another

sundae, weenie?

I am not a weenie!

Relax, you’re

among friends.

My friends don’t hang out

at Weenie Hut Jr.’s.

You tell ‘em,

SpongeBob.

Patrick, what are

you doing here?

I’m always here on

Double-Weenie Wednesday.

Actually,

they moved

Double-Weenie

Wednesday

to Friday.

Besides,

today’s Monday.

Oh, so it’s

Mega-Weenie Monday?

That’s now

on Sunday.

Barnacles!

Super Weenie

Hut Jr.’s

has a Mega-Weenie

Monday.

No, you’re

thinking

of Monster-

Weenie Monday.

I don’t have time for this!

I’ve gotta go pick a fight

with a muscular stranger.

It’s the only way of getting

into the Salty Spitoon.

No, SpongeBob,

you can’t.

It’s too dangerous.

I’ve got no choice.

I have a suggestion.

Why not fake a fight?

Hey, that’s not

a bad idea!

You can call me

a couple of bad names

We rumble,

next thing you know

you’re in

the Salty Spitoon.

Well, I guess I’ve

got nothing to lose.

Let’s do it!

Yeah!

Hey, how come

you never

help us with

our problems?

I am a robot,

not a miracle worker.

Afternoon, Reg.

Whoa, whoa, little man.

You still can’t go in.

Well, that makes me

pretty mad.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

I might have to beat someone up

just to get rid

of all this blind fury.

( sarcastically ):

Wow.

I feel pretty sorry for the

next guy who looks at me funny.

Hmm… what about

that guy?

( gasping and

stammering )

I…( laughing )

don’t be silly.

He’s not bothering

anybody.

I mean, not like…

that guy!

Who, me?

Yeah, you.

Standing there all

smiling and whatnot.

Somebody ought to teach

you some manners.

Okay, but I must

warn you.

I happen to be a world

championship… uh…

“kick… box… er.”

I don’t care if you’re

the demon seed

of Davey Jones!

You’re going down, Tubby!

Tubby?

( growling )

Nobody calls me Tubby!

Wait, Patrick.

You’re supposed to

let me win, remember?

Oh, yeah.

( invisible punches flying )

No, please wait!

( grunting )

( screaming )

No, please, have mercy.

( screaming )

REG:

Wow!

You destroyed

that guy

without even

touching him!

I did?

I never thought

I’d say this

but…

go ahead in.

Really?

I can go in?

Oh, my gosh, I never thought

this moment would come!

I, SpongeBob SquarePants

am tough enough to get

into the Salty Spitoon!

This is the happiest day

of my life!

( siren wailing )

Sandy?

( groans )

What happened?

You ran inside and

slipped on an ice cube.

What happened?

I slipped on an ice cube

and got covered in boo-boos.

Boo-boos, eh?

I think you guys

want that hospital.

SPONGEBOB:

Weenie Hut General?!

  • Home Video Releases

SpongeBob SquarePants: Sea Stories DVD (November 5th, 2002)

SpongeBob SquarePants: The Complete 3rd Season DVD (Disc 1) (September 27th, 2005)

SpongeBob SquarePants: The First 100 Episodes DVD (Disc 7) (Season 3) (September 22nd, 2009)

SpongeBob SquarePants: 10 Happiest Moments DVD (September 14th, 2010)

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