Cygwin Wiki

Premiered: Saturday, May 12, 2001

Episode Transcript [Closed Captioning][]


storyboard director

Jay Lender

storyboard artist

William Reiss

written by

Jay Lender

William Reiss

David B. Fain

animation director

Sean Dempsey

creative director

Derek Drymon


You know, SpongeBob,

sometimes it’s nice

to hang up my hang glider

and just watch the clouds

roll by.

Yep. And just relax.



Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

You know what that

cloud looks like?

A flower.

They all look like flowers,

SpongeBob… all the time.

They sure do.

You know, normally

I’d offer to race you

to the top

of Coral Cliffs,

but I don’t

want to miss out

On a second of this

beautiful beauty.

Who wants to get

all dirty anyway?

Yeah… and sweaty.

Besides, I think we know

who’d get to the top first.


( both laugh )



That’s funny, Sandy.

It sounded

like you said

you could beat me

in a climbing contest.

‘Course I can!

I’m a squirrel!



I thought that meant

you were nuts.

Nope. It means I’m

a natural born climber!

I’m from the surface world

and nothing prepares you

for climbing

like growing up

on good old dry land.

( laughs )


It’s all about

finger strength, baby.

And if there’s anything

we’ve got plenty of down here,

it’s finger strength.

( grunting )

What do you say to that,

Miss Mittens?

I say I’m already

halfway there!

( screams )

( panting )

( grunting )

No fair, Sandy!

You got a head start!

Sorry, SpongeBob!

That’s the way

the coral crumbles!



You did that on purpose!

Yeah, but this is an accident.

( screams )

Too bad you forgot

your umbrella.

♪ I didn’t…! ♪

( braying laugh )

Well, it’s about time

you showed up.

But you were…

I saw you… I…

I want a rematch!

First one to the Krusty Krab

is the winner.

Ain’t no way

a sea critter

can run faster

than a land critter!

I can underwater.


hydrodynamically designed!

Think you can win

a fair race

in that clunky

tin tube?

Why don’t you ask

my be-hind?

That is…

if you can catch it.

What do you say to that,


I say, I’m already

halfway there…

halfway there…

halfway there…

halfway there…


( braying laugh )

( braying laugh )

Thanks for the face-lift!

( laughing )

( laughing )

T  H  E

K  R  u  S  T  y

K  R  a  B

You see, I told you

you didn’t have a…

There you are!

Ain’t that just

like a land creature

to keep a sea creature…


( braying laugh )

I thought y’all

wanted a rematch!

I did! And I took

a head start like you did!

I was just funnin’

with ya that time!

But I guess all y’all underwater

don’t have to play fair!

I guess we don’t,

air breather!

Water sucker!

Tree climber!

Gulf streamer.

Kite flier!

Chum chewer!

( gasps )

Take that back, you…

not… wet… person.

Aha! You can’t

even come up

with another name!

That proves it!

Proves what?

That land critters are

better than sea critters.

Better at what?

Oh, durn near everything,

I guess.

Cattle ropin’ and pie eatin’

and wood choppin’

and flyin’.

What’s she

blabbering about?

She says land creatures

are best.

Only ‘cause

it’s true.

We’re best at horseridin’

and fur stylin’ and rowin’.

Y’all got us licked in swimmin’,

but we got corn shuckin’

and hay bailin’

and barn raisin’

and… fishin’!

( all gasp )

And name callin’

fer sure.

And drowning!

Don’t forget drowning!

( braying laugh )

Good one, Squidward!


Not on your life,


I’ll admit.

You’ve got some pretty

good moves, for a squirrel.

( all laughing )

( laughter stops )

But you’re still

just a land creature.

Squirrels can do

anything they want to!

I bet you can’t eat a Krabby

Double Deluxe in one bite.

( gulps )


Give me that!

They don’t call me Cheeks

for nothin’.

( all laugh )

Well, that’s just one thing.

Can you do this?

Everyone in my family

can do that!

Uh… uh…

How about this, huh?

Can you reproduce by budding?

Can ya?

Can ya?

Can ya?

Can ya?

Can ya?


Most importantly,

can you do this?

( gasping )

( gasping )

( gasping )

Well, what would I want to do

any of that dumb stuff

for anyway?

Admit it, Sandy--

you can’t do anything

us sea creatures can do!

In fact, if it wasn’t

for that suit,

you couldn’t even

live down here!

( laughing )

Well, you don’t…

( laughing

uncontrollably )

I don’t need to…

( laughing )


I’ll show y’all!

I don’t need this suit!


( all gasp )

And I don’t need

this helmet neither!

Neptune preserve her!

How long can she

stay like that?

I don’t know.

Sandy’s a girl?

Wow, Sandy.

You sure proved us wrong.

I guess land creatures

are better.

At least, until they need

to breathe…

( all chuckle )

Yep, won’t be long now.

( groans )

Feeling lightheaded yet?

( muffled ):


Remember this?

( inhaling deeply )

( exhaling )


It’s free!

( breathing deeply )

( gagging )

( gagging )

( gasps for air )

( gurgling )

( gasping )

P  i  C  K L  E  S

( others laughing )

Stop laughin’ at me!

I knew it!

There was no way

some “airhead”

was going to win anything

against a water breather!


( laughs )



Sea creatures rule!

( chanting ):

Water! Water! Water!

All right,

all right.

You had your

little laugh.

But now

it’s my turn!

Y’all think you’re

such hot stuff, don’t ya?

Swimmin’ around with

your fancy gills ‘n such!

But none of you wet heads

would last a minute on my turf.

Dry land!

Do we have to wear

pickle jars?

( all laugh )

Nope, nothin’ but the clothes

on your backs!

One minute?

No problem… landy!

( all laugh )

( laughing uncontrollably )

( continue laughing )

Well, so are you going or not?


Uh… well… we… uh…

Actually… uh…

you know… uh…

We can’t… uh…


We’re… late

for… um…

Our fitting!

Oh, you mean

for your chicken costumes?

( gulps )

Hey… we are not chicken!

( gasps ) My popcorn!

Yeah, we’re not chicken,

we’ll do it.

There! Mission accomplished!

Look, unless you can stay above

water for one measly minute,

you forfeit the contest

and prove that land creatures

are better than sea creatures!

No way, San-day.

We can take on

your challenge.



We’re not afraid of

your dumb old land.



We’re sea creatures!




Well, this is it.

Wait, boy!

Make it last.

( gulping )

( gulping )

( gulping )

Thanks, Mr. Krabs.


( gulps )

Here I go!

( gasping )

( breathing more easily )

Hey… this isn’t so bad!

We can do this!

Hey, Patrick, come on up!

The air is fine!

I’m gonna do it quick

and get it over with.


Hey, I lost my trunks!

Hi, SpongeBob!

All right, Pat!

You made it!

Mr. Krabs!

Come on up,

Mr. Krabs!

All ashore that’s goin’ ashore,

Mr. Squidward!

Land… ho!

Lookin’ good,

Mr. Krabs!

Yeah, whoo-hoo!

Come on,


You’re missing

all the dry.

Come on,



Squidward! Squidward!

Well, I’ll do it,

but I won’t like it.

Squidward! Squidward Squid…


Well, here we are!


This is pretty easy!


I may keep a second

rock up here!


Once you get your land legs,

it’s not so bad!

We’re the masters

of land and sea!

Hey, it’s a local. Hi!

We’re from underwater!

Do you know Sandy Cheeks?

Three, two, one…

Well, tan my fur!

They made it!

Better go congratulate them!



Hmm, where did those

critters get to?

( all screaming )

Holy Guacamole!

You can’t eat my friends,

you rats with wings!


( grunting and karate-yelling )

( grunting and karate-yelling )

( splash )

Uh, thanks for

saving us, Sandy.

You know everyone’s

best at something.

But no one’s best

at everything.

Sorry I made you take off

your helmet, Sandy.

Sorry I made you go up

on dry land, SpongeBob.

Three cheers for feeling

sorry for ourselves!








Hooray. Hooray.

  • Home Video Releases:

SpongeBob SquarePants: SpongeGuard on Duty VHS (June 1st, 2004)

SpongeBob SquarePants: SpongeGuard on Duty DVD (June 1st, 2004)

SpongeBob SquarePants: The Complete 2nd Season DVD (Disc 2) (October 5th, 2004)

SpongeBob SquarePants: The Complete 2nd Season DVD (Disc 2) (October 19th, 2004)

SpongeBob SquarePants: The First 100 Episodes DVD (Disc 4) (Season 2) (September 22nd, 2009)