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Premiered: Friday, March 22, 2002

Episode Transcript [Closed Captioning][]

S         P         O         N         G         E         G         U         A         R         D

                          O         N         D         U         T         Y

storyboard directors

Jay Lender

Sam Henderson

Storyboard artist

Caleb Meurer

written by

Jay Lender

Sam Henderson

Mark O’Hare

animation director

Sean Dempsey

creative director

Derek Drymon

W    e  l  c   ome

                   T  o

G   O    O

     L   A      G   O   O     N

         NARRATOR:

Ah! Goo Lagoon…

where the sun is hot

and the sunbathers

are oh, so cool.

What a beautiful day.

You said it, pal.

Can you believe that sun?

I could look at it all day.

Uh, Patrick?

What?

Nothing.

So, how’s that

tan coming?

I don’t know.

Let me check.

Looking good.

How’s yours?

Just a minute.

( yells )

I could have sworn

I was laying on my back.

( braying laughter )

( crowd yelling )

( all cheering )

( chanting ):

Larry! Larry!

( chanting ):

Larry! Larry!

Hey, it’s Larry,

the lifeguard.

Mr. Lifeguard,

can I feel

your muscle?

Sure. Don’t scratch

the paint.

Lifeguard, how’s

the tubage?

Gnarly, dudes.

All right, yeah!

Whoo-hoo!

Lifeguard, can

you point out

the snack bar?

Right over there.

But you guys

are way too old

and unsightly

for my beach.

And I’m afraid I’m going

to have to ask you to leave.

So polite.

Just like we raised him.

What a guy.

Is it any wonder

he’s so popular?

           Just imagine

if I were a lifeguard.

( dramatic music plays )

LIFEGUARD

That would be so cool.

Oh, what do you want

to be a lifeguard for?

Nobody really likes those guys.

♪ For he’s a jolly,

good fellow… ♪

Being a lifeguard is so dumb.

All they do is blow, blow,

blow on their stupid whistles,

rub, rub, rub that white stuff

                       on their noses

and show off their gross

misshapen bodies!

Dude, put that

thing away.

There are, like,

children here.

( squishing )

I’m going to the snack bar.

Who needs to be a lifeguard?

I’m cool.

I’m every bit as cool as Larry.

           And if I’m not,

let me be struck by…

( thunder crashes )

a flying ice cream truck…

( ice cream truck music plays )

…and live!

Please do not land

flying ice cream trucks

on the bathers.

Oh…

SpongeBob, you okay?

Hey!

           I didn’t know

you were a lifeguard.

Lifeguard?

The nose.

( gasps )

White stuff.

You think I’m a lifeguard?

           Sure, there’s no hiding

the lifeguard look, SpongeBob,

and you’ve got it.

You really think so?

You bet, I do.

Say, we’re a little

shorthanded around here.

How would you like

to work the beach?

( high-pitched voice ):

I’d love it!

All right.

Leave that

on the bench, Kahuna.

Hey, Annette, come here.

I want you to meet

my buddy, SpongeBob.

Hi.

( sputters )

Hey, guy’s a lifeguard.

( whistles )

( crowd cheers )

It works.

Whoo-hoo!

That was the

greatest, Larry.

Yeah.

Say, how’d you like to take

the second shift?

By myself?

Only if you think

you’re ready.

I’m not just ready.

Z i N C

O Xi DE

I’m Ready Freddie.

It’s Larry.

Well, I guess I’ll just…

Help! Help!

Help!

Help! help!

We’ve got a sinker.

SpongeBob, let me take this.

I haven’t seen

any action all day.

Action?

( grunting )

( yells )

( panting )

Please help! Please help!

( groaning )

( gasping )

( cheering )

Breathe, darn you!

( grunting )

( grunting )

( grunting )

( coughing )

That’s the last time

I read and swim.

You saved my life.

Don’t mention it.

It’s all part of the job.

You know, SpongeBob,

the babes

and the big chair

are great,

but the best part is knowing

you’re the only thing

that stands between

these good people…

Go, go, go, go, go…

     A N N U A L

H   o   T       D o g      C   h   u     g

…and a watery grave.

And that’s

what it’s all about.

Their lives are

in your hands now,

‘cause I got a date

with a tanning booth.

See you.

( tires screech )

But I…

can’t swim.

           Oh, if I’d known

being a lifeguard meant

           guarding their lives,

I would never have said yes.

Maybe nothing will go wrong.

Then when Larry comes back,

           I’ll tell him

I’m not interested.

Besides, what’s the worst

           that could happen?

( bell tolls )

( screams )

( frantic yelling )

L i f e G u a RD

( frantic yelling )

L i f e  G u a R D

                       Emergency!

Everybody out of the water.

Hurry! Emergency!

Out of the water.

Emergency!

L i f e  G u a R D

What’s going on,

lifeguard?

L i f e GuaRD

What’s the big emergency, sir?

Uh… there are

sharks in there!

Hey, that’s my family

you’re talking about.

L i f e  G u a R D

A… sea monster!

( stomping )

You know, we sea monsters

           have made great strides

in the fields of science

           and literature.

Uh… somebody went?

L i f e GuaRD

It’s a big lagoon,

dude.

Disgusting!

No, don’t go!

L   i   f    e      G    u    a   R     D

( laughter )

( laughter )

( yells )

L   i   f    e       G    u    a   R    D

( shrieks )

L   i   f    e       G    u   a    R   D

( screams )

L   i   f    e       G    u   a    R   D

( laughs )

( groans )

( laughs )

( groans )

( laughs )

( groans )

( screams )

i C E

C R E A M

Free ice cream!

( cheering )

Plenty for

everybody.

One for you,

one for you…

Okay, everybody got one?

I C E

C R E A M

Mmm, yeah!

Mmm…

( slurping )

Aha, now I got you.

I C E

C R E A M

Now, you all have to wait

one hour before you go swimming.

( murmuring )

But just so you’re not tempted.

I C E

C R E A M

DO    NOT      CROSS

( anxious laughter )

( anxious laughter )

( crowd murmuring )

Ladies and gentlemen,

          W    elcome

G  O     O        T o

L  A     G     O  O   N

the lagoon is closed.

We like Larry better.

Does Larry ever give you

           free ice cream?

Ice cream!

PoRt

-O-

HEAD

Did somebody say, “ice cream?”

Where is it?

Is it here?

I          C         E                  C     R       E      A        M

Huh?

Ice cream! Yay!

( laughs )

Cramp!

( groaning )

Oh!

( gurgling scream )

Holy cow!

Somebody’s drowning!

Oh, no, that’s not possible.

L i f e  G u a R D

The lagoon is closed.

LiFeGuarD

Dude, get your butt

in the water.

If there was anyone in there,

                      we’d hear them.

L i f e G u a RD

Help, help!

( spluttering ):

I can’t swim!

Somebody would be screaming

           that they’re drowning…

I’m drowning!

I’m drowning!

L i f e G u a RD

( spluttering )

They would have to have

crossed the line.

I’m drowning

‘cause I crossed the line.

                      SPONGEBOB:

Okay, I’ll take a look…

L   i f    e    G   u  a   R D

but just to prove to you that…

           Patrick isn’t drowning!

Can’t swim!

Butt hurts.

Ice cream.

Hold on, Patrick.

L    i  f     e      G   U   a   R    D

I’m coming!

Help, help!

Don’t move.

Catch this.

( grunting )

Quit fooling around, man.

Get in the water.

Help, help!

Oh, what am I going to do?

                      Got to think.

                      Got to think.

Got to run around and think.

           Got to run around

and think at the same time.

           Got to think,

got to have a plan.

Got to think, think, think.

                      I’ve got it!

           Patrick can’t drown

if there isn’t any water.

                      ( gurgling ):

Well, you’re safe now, Patrick.

                       PATRICK:

Help, I’m drowning

I’ve got butt cramps!

           I want ice cream

and now it’s dark!

( sobbing and gurgling )

           Help, help!

Help me, I’m drowning.

( gurgling ):

Help.

To us.

Oh!

Sorry.

Here’s your hot dog.

1 F                                                                                                                     2 F

Okay, Patrick,

here I come.

( screaming )

Come, come ‘round,

Pat. Here I am.

Pat, Pat, no, no.

Hold it, Pat,

Pat, stop.

No, Pat, stop.

Stop, stop!

Oh. Sorry.

( gurgling )

Help! Help! Help!

( nervous mumbling )

                                  Save me! Can’t swim!

( grunts )

Patrick, don’t.

( grunts )

Help!

( clunk )

Help, help…

BOTH:

Help!

Help us! We’re drowning!

( whistling and murmuring )

I wonder what’s showing

at the movie theater

right about now

down at the beach.

Good-bye, Patrick.

Good-bye, ice cream.

Help, can’t swim!

                               Help, can’t swim!

Oh, no!

                                         Oh, no!

SpongeBob?

Yes, Larry?

You’re not a lifeguard, are you?

No, Larry.

Let’s go, guys.

( SpongeBob and

   Patrick panting )

L i f e  G u a R D

Very good.

You fellows are

learning fast.

L i F e  G u a R D

( panting )

Ow!

Butt cramps!

                                          Butt cramps!

And I still don’t

have my ice cream.

  • Home Video Releases:

SpongeBob SquarePants: SpongeGuard on Duty VHS (June 1st, 2004)

SpongeBob SquarePants: SpongeGuard on Duty DVD (June 1st, 2004)

SpongeBob SquarePants: The Complete 3rd Season DVD Disc 1 (September 27th, 2005)

SpongeBob SquarePants: The First 100 Episodes DVD Disc 6 (Season 3) (September 22nd, 2009)

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