Premiered: Friday, March 22, 2002
Episode Transcript [Closed Captioning][]
S P O N G E G U A R D
O N D U T Y
storyboard directors
Jay Lender
Sam Henderson
Storyboard artist
Caleb Meurer
written by
Jay Lender
Sam Henderson
Mark O’Hare
animation director
Sean Dempsey
creative director
Derek Drymon
W e l c ome
T o
G O O
L A G O O N
NARRATOR:
Ah! Goo Lagoon…
where the sun is hot
and the sunbathers
are oh, so cool.
What a beautiful day.
You said it, pal.
Can you believe that sun?
I could look at it all day.
Uh, Patrick?
What?
Nothing.
So, how’s that
tan coming?
I don’t know.
Let me check.
Looking good.
How’s yours?
Just a minute.
( yells )
I could have sworn
I was laying on my back.
( braying laughter )
( crowd yelling )
( all cheering )
( chanting ):
Larry! Larry!
( chanting ):
Larry! Larry!
Hey, it’s Larry,
the lifeguard.
Mr. Lifeguard,
can I feel
your muscle?
Sure. Don’t scratch
the paint.
Lifeguard, how’s
the tubage?
Gnarly, dudes.
All right, yeah!
Whoo-hoo!
Lifeguard, can
you point out
the snack bar?
Right over there.
But you guys
are way too old
and unsightly
for my beach.
And I’m afraid I’m going
to have to ask you to leave.
So polite.
Just like we raised him.
What a guy.
Is it any wonder
he’s so popular?
Just imagine
if I were a lifeguard.
( dramatic music plays )
LIFEGUARD
That would be so cool.
Oh, what do you want
to be a lifeguard for?
Nobody really likes those guys.
♪ For he’s a jolly,
good fellow… ♪
Being a lifeguard is so dumb.
All they do is blow, blow,
blow on their stupid whistles,
rub, rub, rub that white stuff
on their noses
and show off their gross
misshapen bodies!
Dude, put that
thing away.
There are, like,
children here.
( squishing )
I’m going to the snack bar.
Who needs to be a lifeguard?
I’m cool.
I’m every bit as cool as Larry.
And if I’m not,
let me be struck by…
( thunder crashes )
a flying ice cream truck…
( ice cream truck music plays )
…and live!
Please do not land
flying ice cream trucks
on the bathers.
Oh…
SpongeBob, you okay?
Hey!
I didn’t know
you were a lifeguard.
Lifeguard?
The nose.
( gasps )
White stuff.
You think I’m a lifeguard?
Sure, there’s no hiding
the lifeguard look, SpongeBob,
and you’ve got it.
You really think so?
You bet, I do.
Say, we’re a little
shorthanded around here.
How would you like
to work the beach?
( high-pitched voice ):
I’d love it!
All right.
Leave that
on the bench, Kahuna.
Hey, Annette, come here.
I want you to meet
my buddy, SpongeBob.
Hi.
( sputters )
Hey, guy’s a lifeguard.
( whistles )
( crowd cheers )
It works.
Whoo-hoo!
That was the
greatest, Larry.
Yeah.
Say, how’d you like to take
the second shift?
By myself?
Only if you think
you’re ready.
I’m not just ready.
Z i N C
O Xi DE
I’m Ready Freddie.
It’s Larry.
Well, I guess I’ll just…
Help! Help!
Help!
Help! help!
We’ve got a sinker.
SpongeBob, let me take this.
I haven’t seen
any action all day.
Action?
( grunting )
( yells )
( panting )
Please help! Please help!
( groaning )
( gasping )
( cheering )
Breathe, darn you!
( grunting )
( grunting )
( grunting )
( coughing )
That’s the last time
I read and swim.
You saved my life.
Don’t mention it.
It’s all part of the job.
You know, SpongeBob,
the babes
and the big chair
are great,
but the best part is knowing
you’re the only thing
that stands between
these good people…
Go, go, go, go, go…
A N N U A L
H o T D o g C h u g
…and a watery grave.
And that’s
what it’s all about.
Their lives are
in your hands now,
‘cause I got a date
with a tanning booth.
See you.
( tires screech )
But I…
can’t swim.
Oh, if I’d known
being a lifeguard meant
guarding their lives,
I would never have said yes.
Maybe nothing will go wrong.
Then when Larry comes back,
I’ll tell him
I’m not interested.
Besides, what’s the worst
that could happen?
( bell tolls )
( screams )
( frantic yelling )
L i f e G u a RD
( frantic yelling )
L i f e G u a R D
Emergency!
Everybody out of the water.
Hurry! Emergency!
Out of the water.
Emergency!
L i f e G u a R D
What’s going on,
lifeguard?
L i f e GuaRD
What’s the big emergency, sir?
Uh… there are
sharks in there!
Hey, that’s my family
you’re talking about.
L i f e G u a R D
A… sea monster!
( stomping )
You know, we sea monsters
have made great strides
in the fields of science
and literature.
Uh… somebody went?
L i f e GuaRD
It’s a big lagoon,
dude.
Disgusting!
No, don’t go!
L i f e G u a R D
( laughter )
( laughter )
( yells )
L i f e G u a R D
( shrieks )
L i f e G u a R D
( screams )
L i f e G u a R D
( laughs )
( groans )
( laughs )
( groans )
( laughs )
( groans )
( screams )
i C E
C R E A M
Free ice cream!
( cheering )
Plenty for
everybody.
One for you,
one for you…
Okay, everybody got one?
I C E
C R E A M
Mmm, yeah!
Mmm…
( slurping )
Aha, now I got you.
I C E
C R E A M
Now, you all have to wait
one hour before you go swimming.
( murmuring )
But just so you’re not tempted.
I C E
C R E A M
DO NOT CROSS
( anxious laughter )
( anxious laughter )
( crowd murmuring )
Ladies and gentlemen,
W elcome
G O O T o
L A G O O N
the lagoon is closed.
We like Larry better.
Does Larry ever give you
free ice cream?
Ice cream!
PoRt
-O-
HEAD
Did somebody say, “ice cream?”
Where is it?
Is it here?
I C E C R E A M
Huh?
Ice cream! Yay!
( laughs )
Cramp!
( groaning )
Oh!
( gurgling scream )
Holy cow!
Somebody’s drowning!
Oh, no, that’s not possible.
L i f e G u a R D
The lagoon is closed.
LiFeGuarD
Dude, get your butt
in the water.
If there was anyone in there,
we’d hear them.
L i f e G u a RD
Help, help!
( spluttering ):
I can’t swim!
Somebody would be screaming
that they’re drowning…
I’m drowning!
I’m drowning!
L i f e G u a RD
( spluttering )
They would have to have
crossed the line.
I’m drowning
‘cause I crossed the line.
SPONGEBOB:
Okay, I’ll take a look…
L i f e G u a R D
but just to prove to you that…
Patrick isn’t drowning!
Can’t swim!
Butt hurts.
Ice cream.
Hold on, Patrick.
L i f e G U a R D
I’m coming!
Help, help!
Don’t move.
Catch this.
( grunting )
Quit fooling around, man.
Get in the water.
Help, help!
Oh, what am I going to do?
Got to think.
Got to think.
Got to run around and think.
Got to run around
and think at the same time.
Got to think,
got to have a plan.
Got to think, think, think.
I’ve got it!
Patrick can’t drown
if there isn’t any water.
( gurgling ):
Well, you’re safe now, Patrick.
PATRICK:
Help, I’m drowning
I’ve got butt cramps!
I want ice cream
and now it’s dark!
( sobbing and gurgling )
Help, help!
Help me, I’m drowning.
( gurgling ):
Help.
To us.
Oh!
Sorry.
Here’s your hot dog.
1 F 2 F
Okay, Patrick,
here I come.
( screaming )
Come, come ‘round,
Pat. Here I am.
Pat, Pat, no, no.
Hold it, Pat,
Pat, stop.
No, Pat, stop.
Stop, stop!
Oh. Sorry.
( gurgling )
Help! Help! Help!
( nervous mumbling )
Save me! Can’t swim!
( grunts )
Patrick, don’t.
( grunts )
Help!
( clunk )
Help, help…
BOTH:
Help!
Help us! We’re drowning!
( whistling and murmuring )
I wonder what’s showing
at the movie theater
right about now
down at the beach.
Good-bye, Patrick.
Good-bye, ice cream.
Help, can’t swim!
Help, can’t swim!
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
SpongeBob?
Yes, Larry?
You’re not a lifeguard, are you?
No, Larry.
Let’s go, guys.
( SpongeBob and
Patrick panting )
L i f e G u a R D
Very good.
You fellows are
learning fast.
L i F e G u a R D
( panting )
Ow!
Butt cramps!
Butt cramps!
And I still don’t
have my ice cream.
- Home Video Releases:
SpongeBob SquarePants: SpongeGuard on Duty VHS (June 1st, 2004)
SpongeBob SquarePants: SpongeGuard on Duty DVD (June 1st, 2004)
SpongeBob SquarePants: The Complete 3rd Season DVD Disc 1 (September 27th, 2005)
SpongeBob SquarePants: The First 100 Episodes DVD Disc 6 (Season 3) (September 22nd, 2009)