Premiered: Friday, March 22, 2002
Episode Transcript [Closed Captioning][]
The ALGAE’s
ALwAYS
GREENER
storyboard director
Aaron Springer
storyboard artist
C.H. Greenblatt
written by
Aaron Springer
C.H. Greenblatt
Merriwether Williams
animation director
Frank Weiss
creative director
Derek Drymon
T H E
K R u S T y
K R a B
Oh!
Pardon me, young lady.
What a fox.
C O N D i M E N T
I S L A N D
( sinister laughter )
Ooh!
( laughing )
You’re all mine,
you sweet Krabby Patty.
( chuckling ):
Ooh, whoo!
( sinister laughter )
( alarm blaring )
Initiating launch sequence.
Krabby Patty, here I come!
Eh, I hope I don’t miss again.
( squirts )
Reunited, and it’s going
to feel so good!
( laughing )
( engine racing )
( yells )
Oh, ho, ho, sweet wampum.
M R .KRA BS
( ricocheting clanks )
Huh?! What’s that?!
Squidward, where are you?!
Shield me with your forehead!
So…
it was just another failed
Krabby Patty theft attempt
by my arch-competitor,
Plankton.
( deep laughter )
M r . KR A BS
For a second there,
I mistook you for a threat
but you’re just
a dirty, little man.
So long, shrimp!
( crash )
T H E
K R u S T y
K R a B
Curse you, Mr. Krabs!
C h U M
B u C k E T
( clunk )
Ouch!
( yawns )
So, typical day of failure,
I see, huh, darling?
Oh, can it, computer wife.
Can’t you see I’m exhausted?
Why don’t you go
make yourself useful
and synthesize me up some grub?
Yes, Your Majesty.
What do we got here?
Oh, goodie!
Holographic meatloaf again.
When am I going to get
some real food?
Mr. Krabs gets to eat real food.
Just look at his daughter.
She’s as big as a whale.
I wish I could be successful
like Mr. Krabs.
I wish I could somehow
just switch lives with him
just to know what it’s like.
( gulping )
Then why don’t you just use
that Switch-Lives-Just-to-Know-
What-It’s-Like-O-Macrofier thing
you built last Tuesday?
?
( spitting )
What a brilliant idea!
Your parents
must have been, like
part computer or something.
Ah…
( electronic humming )
Now, let’s see here.
No.
No.
No.
Aha!
Well, I hate to leave you,
Karen
but you know what they say:
“a rolling stone gathers
no algae.”
( screaming )
( slurping )
Ah!
( screaming continues )
( groaning )
Oh, dear Neptune above!
What happened last night?
Huh?
What’s this?
“Mr. Plankton”?
M R . P L A N k T o N
Who the davey…?
( crunching, murmuring )
Huh? I’m in the Krusty Krab.
And that means the life switcher
was a success!
The Krusty Krab is mine!
Corporate casual.
SPONGEBOB:
Order up!
Two deluxe
Krabby Patties.
( sizzling )
( pop )
At last!
( humming )
There you are, sir.
Two deluxe…
Ahoy, there,
Mr. Plankton.
Er, uh, hey, there,
uh, SpongeBob.
Uh, SpongeBob…
Yes, sir?
I’m going to need
to take one of these patties
back to my office
for, uh… bun inspection.
I’m afraid you
can’t do that
Mr. Plankton.
But why not?
Because that patty is
for the customer, sir.
The customer?
I’ll boil the customer
in hot oil
and I’ll rip out his…!
I mean, yes, of course,
for the lovely customer.
But you can
take these
patties, sir.
I made them
on the off chance
you decided to instigate
some bun inspection
today, Mr. Plankton, sir.
Uh, yes.
Uh, very nice.
Um, thanks.
( fast pattering feet )
( slams )
All mine!
It’s finally all mine!
The patties…
the wealth…
the notoriety…
B u s i n e s s
A w a r d
Plankton
of The Krusty Krab
December i s s u e
C l a m $
Magazine
25¢
the… SpongeBob?
What do you want?
Well, it’s just that
it’s Tuesday again, sir
and I was wondering
if I could have my…
uh… my, uh…
weekly performance review.
Review?
Oh, yes,
please, sir, please!
But I’ve never reviewed
anything…
except for those foreign
exercise videos
my cousin sent me.
Oh, please, sir!
I want to make you
so happy and proud!
Ah, you’re doing fine.
Now leave me to my work.
Mmm…
But sir…
I thought I sent
you away, Cretan!
But sir, there’s got to be
something I need to improve on.
Anything!
All right, the sauce.
( gasps )
Wh…what?
The sauce, I don’t know.
You’re using
too much sauce, okay?
Review’s over.
( stammering )
What?
( stammering )
What’s the matter with you?
All I said was
a little too much sauce.
It’s no big deal, really.
( whimpering )
What do you want from me,
a promotion?
A pro… a promot…
a promotion?!
Uh, sure, kid,
you’re, uh…
you’re on register now.
( gasps )
Register?
Glad that’s over.
( kissing )
D A N C E
N O W !
SpongeBob, do you remember
that little talk we had
about personal space?
It’s okay, Squidward,
I’m official. Look!
C O - C A S H i E R
Co-cashier?!
So, have you two
known each other long?
( loud clang )
You can’t do this to me,
Mr. Plankton!
If you think I’m going
to stand out there all day
listening to…
( jabbering )
…then you must have coral
wedged in your frontal lobe!
So what do you want me to do
about it?
I’d like my view
to be a little less yellow
if you know what I mean.
( sizzling )
Hope you like gray.
Hey, Squidward, I can see you
through this little window.
( grunts )
Now, no more intrusions.
I’d like to begin writing
the memoirs of my success story.
So everyone just stay the…
( pounding ):
Daddy!
Daddy! Daddy, Daddy,
Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!
( groaning )
Just tell Daddy
what you want!
Daddy!
He’s very busy!
Could I please have a, um…
an advance on my allowance?
If it’ll get you
out of my antennae.
( cash register bell dings )
Go crazy.
One dollar!
You hate me!
( crying )
( gasping )
( bombs dropping )
( yelling )
Ow!
You!
Me?
You think
this is funny?
In a cosmic sort of way, yes.
Well, Mr. Funny Man
is this how you get
your sick kicks?!
What? It’s just
an ordinary Krabby…
Oh, my goodness!
Squidward!
SPONGEBOB:
I tried,
Mr. Plankton.
I really did.
Oh, what now?
A customer ordered
A medium soda
and I gave him a large.
I gave him a large!
I’ve soiled
the good Krusty Krab name!
( repeating ):
Soiled it! Soiled it…!
I command you to stop that.
Stop that, and return
to your post!
Soiled it!
Soiled it…!
Where’s the off button
on this thing?
Okay, Daddy, I’ve decided
I’m going to run away.
Run away and find
a new daddy!
Make it stop!
( alarm blaring )
What, did I say the secret word?
No, sir.
He’s back.
Who’s back? What?
( whoosh )
What was that?!
Man your stations!
Red alert! Red alert!
Take cover!
( all yelling )
Take cover from what?!
He’s around here somewhere.
There he goes!
What? Who? Where?
Somebody tell me!
Some say he crawled out
from the lowest trench
in the ocean.
He’s the saltiest
of all of the sea dogs.
He’s the most hated creature
in Bikini Bottom.
And he’s finally got
a Krabby Patty!
( sinister laughter )
Krabs?! What the barnacle
is going on here?!
It’s your arch-competitor--
Krabs!
His goal in life
is to steal a Krabby Patty
and ruin our restaurant.
That’s terrible!
Yeah! But the worst part
of it is…
( pounding )
Good grief,
he’s naked!
( sinister laughter )
Clothe me if you can,
silly landlubbers!
( laughing )
I’m going to make you
eat those words, Krabs!
( laughter )
No, shirt, no shoes…
no service!
( machine-gun firing )
( pinging )
( laughing )
Huh?!
Ah, you got me!
Well, at least it’s underwire.
Here’s your stinking patty!
I don’t understand.
Is there a gas leak in here?
Knick-knack, the patty’s back.
You did it, Mr. Plankton.
Victory screech!
( howling )
( all howling )
Enjoy your victory screech,
Plankton
because someday the Krabby Patty
formula will be mine!
You’ll never get
this formula
you twisted fiend!
Oh, but I will!
Even if I have
to come back tomorrow
and the next day
and the next day
and the next day
and the next day
and the next day
and the next day
and the next day
and the next day
next day
and the next day
and the next day
and the next day…
Phone call,
Mr. Plankton.
the next day,
and the next day
and the next day
and the next day…
( screams )
( groans )
It’s not worth it!
It’s just not worth it!
Good-bye, everyone.
I’ll remember you all
in therapy.
( buzzing )
( moans )
Holographic meatloaf…
my favorite!
( humming )
( gulping )
C h U M
BUCk ET
( gulping and humming continue )
- Home Video Releases
SpongeBob SquarePants: Sea Stories DVD (November 5th, 2002)
SpongeBob SquarePants: The Complete 3rd Season DVD Disc 1 (September 27th, 2005)
SpongeBob SquarePants: The First 100 Episodes DVD Disc 6 (Season 3) (September 22nd, 2009)
SpongeBob SquarePants: 10 Happiest Moments DVD (September 14th, 2010)