Premiered: Wednesday, March 22, 2000
Episode Transcript [Closed Captioning][]
WaLkiNg
SMALL
storyboard director
Aaron Springer
storyboard artist
Erik Wiese
written by
Aaron Springer
Erik Wiese
Mr. Lawrence
animation director
Sean Dempsey
creative director
Derek Drymon
W e l c o m e
T o
G O O
L A G O O N
W e l c o m e
T o
G O O
L A G O O N C B
C B
( evil laughter )
Attention, beachgoers!
You are trespassing!
C B
You have exactly 17 minutes
to haul your carcasses
off of the future site
of the Chum Bucket Mega Bucket.
F u t u r e S i t e
T h e
M E G A
B U C K E T!
Do you hear
something?
( high-pitched voice
over bullhorn )
L i F E g U a R D
Okay, have it your way!
I don’t mind bulldozing
over each
and every one…
Mommy, look.
C B
Somebody left
this toy tractor here.
C B
Put that down,
Billy.
That has germs
on it.
Oh…
C B
Aw, Mom…
C B
You’ll see!
You’ll all see!
The future site
of the Chum Bucket Mega Bucket
must be cleared
of these cretinous beachgoers,
but it’s becoming
increasingly obvious!
I can deny it no longer!
I am small.
B u B - O C B
I need someone big
to clear the beach for me.
u B - O
I need…
B u B - O
SpongeBob.
B u B - O
♪ Steppin’ on the beach,
roo-to to-too ♪
♪ Steppin’ on the beach,
roo-to to-too ♪
♪ Steppin’ on the beach,
roo-to to-too ♪
♪ Steppin’ on the beach,
roo-to to-too ♪
Yes. He’s the one.
( evil laughter )
I C E
C R E A M
I’ll have one…
two please.
Thanks.
I C E
C R E A M
One, please.
I C E
C R E A M
Excuse me.
I C E
C R E A M
One, please.
I C E
C R E A M
Sorry, kid,
we’re all out.
Aw, barnacles.
I C E
C R E A M
( sobbing )
( sobbing )
Plankton, what are
you doing here?
And why are you crying?
Oh, hi, SpongeBob.
I’m crying because I’ve got
these two ice cream cones,
but I only need one.
( sobbing )
I don’t know what to do
with the other one.
( sobbing )
I’ll eat one of those
ice cream cones for you.
SpongeBob,
would you do that for me?
Sure.
SpongeBob.
SpongeBob.
SpongeBob!
Yeah?
Isn’t it great
to get the things you desire?
Like that ice cream cone,
for instance.
Like that ice cream cone,
for instance.
You can have anything you want
with a little training.
Training?
Yes. You just have to learn
to be more assertive,
and I can show you how.
Assertive, huh?
That’s right.
Anything I want?
Sounds great!
Wonderful.
( evil laughter )
( evil laughter )
( both laughing )
SpongeBob.
Don’t let that guy sit on you.
Assertiveness lesson number one.
Tell him to get off.
Um… excuse me, sir.
Y-you’re sitting
on my body,
which is also my face.
No, no, be assertive.
Beep-beep.
Not insertive.
SpongeBob, you
missed your chance.
You’ve got to be aggressive
to get the things you want.
You’re too soft.
But I’m a spong…
Don’t say it.
( slurping )
There’s the guy who
took your ice cream.
Don’t you want it back?
Ice cream.
Listen, you.
My friend’s got
something to say.
What? Who said that?
Was it you?
Tell him off, SpongeBob.
Assert yourself.
That’s my ice cream cone.
Great!
Now let him have it!
You can have it.
Say, thanks.
No!
I’ll show you how.
Hey, pencil-neck!
Yeah, you!
Slither over here!
Surrender that ice cream cone
or every waking moment
for you will become
a swirling torrent
of pain and misery!
( sobbing )
Hey, that guy was crying.
Those were
tears of joy.
He was happy
that you were assertive.
Yeah!
You see how wonderful
life can be
when you’re maniacal?
Uh, I thought
it was called assertive.
Whatever.
Well, if it got me
this ice cream,
then I like it.
( beeping )
I found something.
Uh, excuse me, my
metal detector broke.
Can I use yours?
Sure.
SpongeBob.
This is your
next lesson.
Be aggressive.
Tell that guy to take a hike.
Do you want to take
a hike with me?
Yeah.
Now look what
you’ve done!
Tell that guy to go
fall in a ditch.
Hey, go check
in that ditch.
Wow. Buried treasure.
Thanks.
Did you see that, Plankton?
That guy found
some buried treasure.
SpongeBob, you’ll
never get it right.
Tell that guy you know karate
and you’ll tie him in a knot
if you don’t get
your metal detector back.
Hey! I’m going to
tie your… shoe
if you don’t
give that back!
But I’m wearing
Sandals!
Okay! Never mind!
It’s all right, Plankton.
He’s wearing sandals.
What’s the matter?
Oh, nothing, SpongeBob.
Mama!
I was just beginning to think
that this is a waste of time.
No, it’s not.
Forget it.
I guess you don’t have what it
takes to be a standup guy.
Well, what
about airline food?
What?
Airline food!
My gosh, what is up
with that stuff?
Thank you. Good night.
( rimshot )
See, I can be
a standup guy. See?
SpongeBob, you’ll never
get what you want.
You always let people
step all over you.
You’re just like stairs.
Wait, Plankton,
give me another chance.
Okay, but this is
your last chance.
Look at all
those beach hogs
soaking up
your sun rays.
Do you have what it
takes to get a tan?
Just watch me!
( all coughing )
( all coughing )
Man, this thing is san… dy!
Yes, my plan
is beginning to work.
Yes, my plan
is beginning to work.
They’re leaving the beach.
SpongeBob, that
was wonderful.
Is that an all-over tan?
Well, not all of me.
Hot dogs!
Hot dogs!
S N A C K
B A R
S N A C K
B A R
Look at that
huge line
at the hot
dog stand.
Assert yourself
to the front.
I’ll do better
than that.
Let’s go home.
S N A C K
B A R
SpongeBob, that
was genius.
Look at all
those kite-flyers
blocking your view.
What?!
Breaking
your wind.
A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
( growling )
Hey, SpongeBob,
throw us the ball.
( trumpeting )
What do we
do now?
Let’s just go home,
I guess.
Ha! Plankton, did you see that?
I was a regular alpha male.
( panting )
Plankton?
( engine starting )
Huh?
Plankton, all my asserting
has driven everybody away.
Exactly.
You didn’t tell me
everyone would leave.
Oops.
Mega bucket!
F u t u r e S i t e o f
T h e
M E G A
B U C K E T !
You used me
for land development.
That wasn’t nice.
Haven’t you figured
it out, SpongeBob?
Nice guys finish last.
Only aggressive people
conquer the world.
( evil laughter )
Well…
what about aggressively
nice people?
Huh?
What are
you doing?
Hot dogs! Yay!
S N A C K
B A R
CLOSED
Hot dogs! Yay!
S N A C K
B A R
OPEN
( panting )
( panting )
( cheering )
Wait, SpongeBob, stop!
Butterfly kisses.
I… can’t take it.
It’s too cute.
It’s, it’s disgusting!
What happened?
I hit a reef
with my new board, dude.
No problem.
Whoa!
Killer!
SpongeBob, stop--
before it’s too late.
Your kindness
is bringing everybody back.
Get back!
Wait!
Ooh! Ouch! Ow! Ow!
No! Ooh! Ow!
Cowabunga!
Thanks, dude.
That was awesome.
( groaning )
( groaning )
Gee, Plankton.
I’m sorry about
the Chum Bucket.
Forget about that.
I just can’t take so much
kindness at one sitting.
Need… hatred.
Volleyball, anyone?
ALL:
Yeah!
Service!
( laughing )
Ouch.
( laughing )
Ouch.
( laughing )
Ouch.
- Home Video Releases:
SpongeBob SquarePants: The Complete 1st Season DVD (Disc 3) (October 28th, 2003)
SpongeBob SquarePants: SpongeGuard on Duty VHS (June 1st, 2004)
SpongeBob SquarePants: SpongeGuard on Duty DVD (June 1st, 2004)
SpongeBob SquarePants: The First 100 Episodes DVD (Disc 3) (Season 1) (September 22nd, 2009)